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بِسْمِ اللّهِ الرَّحْمـَنِ الرَّحِيمِ
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

Salam

May we all be in the best of health & Iman, InsyaAllah.

It have been like ages since I last blogged. Not that I have nothing in mind to blog about, I do have lots and lots of things to pen down but the drive is simply not there. Just don't know why. Oh but well, now that I am back with the little drive in me, allow me to pen down my thoughts and rantings ...

.: Beloved Mother :.

My dearest mother have been admitted to hospital .. again .. yes, it's like her 3rd admission since May 2008. She had fits 3 weeks ago and we had then brought her to the hospital. After some consultations from the A&E doctors, they then decided to admit my mom in for further checks. Findings: Her condition have worsened. As of today, the tumours have spread to both her left & right lungs, to her spine, to her ribs, to her lower back & to her brain. I was speechless & lost back then. I couldn't stop myself from the cries. I couldn't stop thinking for the situations that might happen. My thoughts ran wild. But deep down inside me, I clearly know that she is much stronger than I am, she is much stronger that my dad is. We clearly know that one thing that can make her even stronger is the colloective prayers from me, my dad, the family members, the friends, colleagues & any kind souls. Apart from that, of course, she is undergoing the necessary treatments needed and yes, she is fighting this battle strongly but not by herself but together with us. Doctors told me 3 weeks ago, "You must know that Cancer is incurable, we are just buying time. With your mother's condition, we are giving her about 9-12 months of lifespan. The rest, we shall leave it to God. So, if she has any wishes or anything that she wants to do or people to meet, help her to fulfill them". Somehow, I was disappointed to hear that from the doctors. But, they are making the statement coz that's what they studied and those are medical findings, so yes, I had to sink that in. But, I would prefer to leave it to Allah; for Him to decide what is best for my dearest mother. I know she is in pain but she managed to put up a brave upfront. I knew it. I have been praying for the best and still am. Alhamdulillah, I have managed to sort my thoughts too.

It have been exactly 21 days (3 weeks) that my mom is in hospital. I would have to thank the people who came to visit my mom, to those who gave my mom, me and my dad their support and continuous prayers. I can never repay these people, but in return I pray that Allah bless you all with the goodness in life & hereafter.

"O Allah, Lord and Sustainer of mankind, may You remove my dear mother from the difficulty & pain. May You cure her as You are the only
One who cures. There is no cure but Yours. Grant such (complete) cure that leaves no trace of illness. O Allah, may you bless my dear mother with the strength to go through this phase of life which you have in line for her. Ameen. "

To my dearest mother, may Allah remove your pain, forgive your sins, and grant you strength in your Deen and your health until your death. Ameen.

.: 23rd Birthday :.

29th March 2009, I turned 23. Alhamdulillah. It was a shock to see/hear my mother's condition when she had the fits. I didn't even think of celebrating my birthday. I thought I would give it a pass. I didn't even need the celebration, to be honest.. However, here goes the story ..

It started off with a first pre-celebration on Friday night, 27th March 09 with a small group of colleagues. They had come all the way from work (Kaki Bukit) to visit my mom and at the same time, to hand me my bday gift and a nice dinner @ Swensen. Lovely. Saturday night, 28th March 09, as I reached home from hospital at about 1030pm, Blossom (Kak Erni) had called me to say that they will be fetching me at about 11pm for a drink. Off we headed to Changi Aiport Terminal 2 @ CoffeeBean. It was definitely a nice night out with Kak Erni & Kak Aida. We drank, we chatted, we laughed and we had a good time indeed. Headed home about 2am, kind and nice of them to walk me up and waited for me to settle down as they sat down and waited patiently. They left about 2plus. It was a nice catching up session too. On the Sunday, the day of my b'day, after the wishes from my close friends, sisters and family members .. My cousins, aunties and uncles surprised me with a small celebration in the hospital. With a Strawberry Cake in hand, they came in the room with the lighted candles on the cake and sang me a b'day song. I was definitely shocked, coz I was sleeping before they came in. Next was my dearest cousin who surprised me with his kind little gestures. He came later than the rest. But when he came, this 16yr old chap just got back from his soccer training. As he entered the room, he kissed my hand (salam), handed me a small pack of Polar Almond Chocolate Chip Cookie and kissed me on my cheek. Awww, I was so touched. And yes, the people in the room found it sweet of him too. Definitely .. And with other family members who came, they made my day brighter and happier. And so was my mom. Oh yes, talking about my mom .. Early morning at 6am on my b'day, she had called me. I was at home then. She was all teary when she called. She wished me Happy Birthday but she sounded sad coz she couldn't celebrate my birthday like the past years. I assured her that I was ok with it and it doesnt matter coz what mattered most is that she is with me and have been with me all along and that, her prayers for me were far more important. The next day, Monday, I had a nice dinner date with the bestfriend. From Tuas, he came all the way to Tampines to fetch me and we had dinner @ Changi Aiport Terminal 2. It was a nice dinner date, simple yet meaningful enough for me. I know that the bestfriend was tired from work, but really, I do appreciate it very much.

Overall, to family members, friends, sisters, cousins, uncles, aunties, colleagues & the bestfriend ... Thank You very much for making my birthday a special & meningful one.

.: Lessons Learnt :.

Throughout the stay here @ hospital, my daily visits (morning till late night) have been a fruitful one. I learnt a lot, that's for sure. From my mother to her siblings to the aunty porter, I have learnt a bit from these people.

-From the sickly mother

Her strong determination, love and the past good deeds kept her going. Her friends, relatives appreciated her very much coz she is a person who loves to help the others. I realized, I need to buck up.

-From the family members

Their love, care and concern for her, for me and for my dad.. I can never doubt that, not even for a second. They came daily despite being tired after work to cheer her up, to keep her company despite knowing my dad and me are here. They wished her well, they want her to be well. I realized, everyone needs to love and be loved no matter how busy one can be. It's just how u manage your time and do it.

-From the aunty Porter

There's this aunty Porter who once came up to the ward, she had to help one of the nurses to push my mom's bed down to radiotherapy centre at level B3. So off we went, I accompanied my dear mother. In the lift as we were going down, she was so kind, her words were and so were her actions. Later when we were going up to the ward back, my mom told her that it was nice hearing the aunty talked fluently in Malay. And the aunty started her story. She is a Chinese and Catholic by religion. But, she has a Malay, Muslim foster daughter who is now married and has a kid. The difference in religion didn't made them to be apart. Somehow, it made them closer. They respected each other's religion and understood the needs for each other. This aunty, she made me realize the importance of love for others, she made me understood the need to accept others as they are, she made me understood the need to accept other religions openly. Eg: She has a foster daughter who is a Muslim, and now a grand-daughter too. Her foster daughter made it a must that her daughter kisses the hand of this aunty Porter whenever they come for visitings and such. This aunty Porter, in return, doesn't reject it. In fact, she understood the need to salam, she understood what is there in Islam is indeed beautiful. What more can I say? I was so touched ...


I won't know when my next posting will be but .. insyaAllah if I have the time and things to rant about, I sure will do it. But till then, I'll leave you all in the care of Allah. Let's also appreciate life coz life is indeed beautiful in such a way that He has made it to be. ;)

Salam